A lot of you commented on how great it is that Addy is so laid back and yes,
it is wonderful. But it has its downsides. She did not appear to be all that
attached to anyone at the orphanage. She seems to have not cried often and
consequently was not picked up or played with often. She has the advantage
of having pretty good development so she can do all those normal six month
old things that kids do on their own - roll, creep, grasp and bring things
to mouth, transfer hands, play with toys, etc. But anything that would
involve actual human contact is lacking. Like, for instance, she can't
really bear weight on her legs. I am sure her little feet have never touched
the ground until now. She can not sit up and also has trouble holing her
head up while sitting (but not while on her belly) because she likely was
never held in that position. So we are spending a lot of time doing that.

But back to attachment. Being laid back and self-soothing is wonderful for
the parents but it is something that we are actively trying to change. Part
of attachment is learning that it is ok to trust another person in this
world with your needs. It is ok to cry when you are hungry or wet or
uncomfortable. It is ok to be lonely at night and need to be near your Mommy
and Daddy. It is ok to want to be held all day. The babies who come into
their new families who are anxious and fearful and missing their caregivers
are actually a lot better off - they have already developed bonding
behaviors and it is a good sign of health although difficult for the new
parents to endure.

So we rarely put Addy down. She is in the sling or our laps all day except
when she is playing on our bed surrounded by all of us. I have noticed just
in the last two das that she has gone from completely self-soothing to
actually falling asleep, most of the time, without her thumb at all (just in
the sling cuddled up to mama). This is a really really positive sign that
things are moving in the right direction. She is learning to rely on me for
comfort instead of herself. Slowly she is also starting to convey her
feelings instead of just going to sleep or pacifying herself. She still
doesn't have a lot of hunger cues but we are getting there. She currently
has a cold and probably an ear infection and as sad as that it (and also
totally typical - something about the A/C and dry hotel air they aren't used
to means instant illness) it is also a perfect opportunity to really nurture
her and teach her to trust us and that we will meet her needs and help her
feel better. Maybe these post-orphanage colds are mother nature's way of
helping bonding along? The days (or day?) of falling asleep, herself, in her
crib are over. At least for awhile. She falls asleep in our arms and we
transfer her to her crib. At night she is slowly starting to wake and want
contact with us instead of sleeping soundly through. This is also a great
thing. Last night she went back and forth between our bed/arms and the crib.
I assume eventually she will likely occupy our bed on a full-time basis. It
was so heartwarming to see her missing us last night and it was so nice to
know that even though she was in pain, I could instantly make her better by
cuddling up with her and letting her sleep with her head on my chest. Now
when she wakes and we are not there, she gets upset, she knows something is
missing. When she sees us, she breaks into big smiles. This is the dance of
Attachment.

She will likely always be pretty laid back. Even now, when she is upset she
does one little cry and big huge tears and that's it. It's pretty
hysterical. She is also so easy to make happy and keep happy, even while
sick. But gone are the days when she will have to soothe herself and
patiently wait to be fed instead of being allowed to eat when hungry. Gone
are the days when she can not be held all day when she is sick or lonely.
Gone are the days when she has only herself to rely on. It's a beautiful
thing.

And this is not really al that related but I just wanted to say that I am a
really good baby-mama. I am often really hard on myself as a parent to my
boys but I forgot how good it feels, and how good I am, at mothering an
infant. I think it may be what I do best :-) I love my instincts and knowing
exactly what she needs and exactly what she wants and exactly how to make
her feel better. Life is good, very very good.

Now if only I could feel even 50% human it would be perfect. My head is
still about to blow up. My ears are incredibly painful, my throat is still
sore off and on, my glands are still swollen and my head still hurts. I get
tired very very quickly and just mostly lay around all day and sleep off and
on. It is miserable. I have had a really hard time yesterday and today
coping with how I feel. I just want to really enjoy this time and feel like
I'm being robbed of it in it's entirety. I want to explore Ha Noi and shop
and see things and I can't even get out of bed longer than it takes to go to
breakfast and come back. This sucks. Totally. I know it is still early - I
have a few hours until I can take my second antibiotic pill so HOPEFULLY I
will start to feel significantly better in the next 24 hours. But part of me
feels like these antibiotics aren't going to help at all and I am going to
be this miserable the entire trip, peaking on the long horrible airplane
ride home where my head will surely blow up and I will die. Haha. Seriously
I have not been in this much pain and been this sick in years and years.
Nothing helps. And I don't really know what to do about it. More sleep? More
fluids? More food? Different meds? I don't know.

I will upload a few pictures of Addison in her dress that I knitted for her.
Noah picked it out for her to wear to the Embassy today. So sweet. She looks
adorable in it.