I've been pretty quiet and those that are very very observant might notice that my adoption travel ticker is no longer up on the site. I've been very very sad and very very much in denial and was waiting for more info. I still don't have more info. But here I am.

On Friday morning I got an email from my husband saying that travel....the travel we had hoped to make in the next 3 weeks...may be postponed to December due to the APEC conference. I know we are supposed to know that this kind of thing can happen. In fact, I *knew* about this conference months ago and specifically asked my agency about the possibility of interference twice. But I was prepared for government hiccups delaying things a few days or keeping us in-country for an extra week. I was prepared for government hiccups requiring us to pay extra high prices for hotel rooms. I was not prepared for a jump from meeting our daughter in October to meeting her in December. In fact, I can't reconcile it at all and immediately broke down. This can't happen. I can't wait any more. And although most of it is my need to be with my daughter, a big part of it is that my entire life is on hold and things are spiraling out of control around me while we wait for this adoption to be completed. Sorry to be so cryptic but I'm trying to convey the sense of urgency and my complete and utter sense of loss that this new caused.

Right around this same time, I got a phone call from my Mom who has been having some medical issues and had some tests done that morning. She was calling to share with me the news that she had been diagnosed with colon cancer.

On Friday morning my world stopped moving, time stood still.

To say I have not been coping well would be an understatement. I am worried about my Mom. I am worried about my daughter. I can't handle having my life on hold anymore.

So we are likely packing up ship and heading out to Vietnam, in whole or in part. I will probably stay back to help my Mom through her impending surgery while my husband travels to Addison, even if just to visit. We are prepared for the long haul but better that she spend the long haul with her parent than in an orphanage. Maybe I'm still in denial. And desperate.

I'll keep you posted as I get my bearings on this new reality I call my life. All positive thoughts and prayers are welcome, particularly those directed to my Mother and my Daughter.