I can't believe it is still raining here. Thunder, lightning, gloomy from morning until night raining. The kind that affects your mood and casts a sort of hazy film over everything in sight. That kind of rainy. Ok, so I was kidding about the rain! It can stop now. Or yesterday.

To match the gloomy rain, I have a nice gloomy sore throat. And a severe lack of sleep. I have been getting about 50% less sleep than I need for around a week now. I am feeling it. My glands are swollen, my throat is raw, my bones are tired. I feel like I'm 100 years old.

Once, a few weeks ago, I thought I was ready to travel to Vietnam. Bwa hahaha. Not really. I was kidding about that too. I'm not ready. I have yet to buy any baby equipment. I don't even own a car seat. Or a baby bottle. And about those baby bottles? How do those actually work? Also, I'm afraid of flying. Or rather, I'm afraid of heights and airplanes go very very high. I had lived in a quiet state of denial, realizing that this was a necessary part of the process. Until now. Specifically, I went to an amusement park and offered to take my 4 year old on the ferris wheel. Turns out the ferris wheel goes very very high. And I almost had a panic attack while I white knuckled the seat with one hand and gripped my four year old with the other (sure he would climb up over the edge and fling himself out right as we reached the top possible height at the top possible speed). He proceeded to scream at me to stop touching him and leave him alone. It was quite an enjoyable ride. The entire time I kept thinking "Airplanes go much higher than this. Oh no!". And here we are. I've been running through the heavy duty drugs I might consume in order to tolerate the flight but my tentative plan is to sit in the middle of the rows and pretend I'm on a bus. I may also pick up one of many books on fearless flying. I think knowledge is power and from the last flight I took, I specifically recall that my fears stemmed from hearing and feeling very odd and concerning (to me) noises and believing the plane was going to go down as a result :-) So knowledge is power over fear? Maybe.

So the ticker says 40 days today. While that's an approximation on my part, I hope it's close within a week or so. Something about 40 days makes travel seem very very close. Close enough that the current feeling is panic, trepidation and fear of the unknown. Hopefully I'll work through that, soon, and on to excitement and joy.