As promised awhile ago and inspired by others, I thought I'd write up a top 10 parenting goals list - the things I aspired to be and do as a Mommy before I had children, with comments on how my goals actually lived up to the reality:

1) I thought I'd try for a natural childbirth which meant, to me, avoiding an epidural but all other drugs were game :-)

[reality: I had that birth but went on to have two actual drug-free births, including one at home in the water - I would have never EVER thought myself crazy stupid capable of such a thing pre-child]

2) I thought I'd give breastfeeding the good ole college try but would wean by 6 months, no matter what. My body is only capable of short-term loans. :-)

[reality: I have breastfed for 11 straight years with only a 3 month break, once     the old me would have shot the new me for being such a slave to my children!]

3) I would go back to work after 6 months if possible, more likely 3 months.

[reality: my son was in no way ready for me to go back to work after 6 months. I eventually did go back to work when he was 5 and still miss working outside the home but really feel blessed for my time at home with my babies]

4) I would never EVER get divorced. Nothing is worse for a child than a split family home.

[reality: nothing except verbal and physical abuse maybe. Single motherhood, as it turns out? Not so bad at all! Remarriage? Now THAT's an adventure!]

5) I would make my babies sleep through the night as early as possible.

[reality: I tried, I couldn't. Some were wakeful, some where great sleepers, as long as *I* slept it was all good!]

6) I would NEVER EVER bring a child into my bed.

[reality: well...unless they keep me up screaming (see above) for months on end and I continually fall asleep rocking them in the rocker for so many nights that the rocker breaks and wears holes in the carpet. Then I give it a shot and we ALL sleep through the night ever since.]

7) I will make homemade baby food out of a wide variety of organic foods.

[reality: I actually did this but my kid wouldn't eat baby food. Nor the next. Nor the next. They all ate people food off the table straight away.]

8) I will use cloth diapers.

[reality: I tried this 3 times and hated it all 3 times. I won't try it a fourth.]

9) I will never spank my child.

[reality: so far so good - 11 years of spanking-free parenthood and my kids are still civil, well-mannered, caring young gents.]

10) I would homeschool. Ok, to be fair this was not a pre-baby goal (I didn't give much thought beyond diaper-years) but a goal I made soon after I became a Mother)

[reality: so far so good. We did one year of public school several years ago and hated it. Not for us.]


So you can see that my list - my goals and expectations of my future - was mostly a big joke. A few of the things were goals I managed to hold onto, the rest went out the window when I had my first child....a very high-need, demanding, unwavering child....who taught me how to be a Mother. This meant listening to my instincts, following his cue and letting my heart be my guide. I think it's done me pretty well, so far, so I intend to also use it during our adoption journey and beyond. However I've also learned to never say never. Things can (and do) change faster than you can blink an eye.

So my only goal for parenting Addison is this:

Follow my heart and remain open to life's many mysteries