Happy 4 month birthday, tiny baby Addison! I wonder how you spent your day. Are you smiling often, giggling easily? Are you rolling yet? Do you still use a pacifier? Have you stayed healthy? Have you grown much? Have you lost any more of your baby hair?

Although I've handled the wait to travel very well so far, today I found myself sort of sad and lonely in my heart for my baby girl. I miss her - which might seem strange since I've never "met" her but I do. Finally I realized that today is the day she turns 4 months old - she has spent 4 short months in this world, watching, observing. What lessons has she learned already about trust, safety, security? I hope, even given her circumstances at the orphanage, that someone takes the time out of their day every day to love her, to kiss her, to feed her in their arms and hold her when she cries and play peek-a-boo with her and elicit smiles.

Soon I will meet this baby girl, this person who I think I know from photos but whose personality - whose smile and voice and tiny baby smell - is still unknown to me. I hope I hold her in my arms before she turns six months old, before she has to spend any more time on this Earth wondering about love and security and trust. I want to teach her those things, sooner, not later. I miss my baby girl.